Numbers Update

I ended up taking pregnancy tests on Sunday and Monday too.  They were both positive as well!  It's an amazing feeling getting a positive instead of a negative.  Feels unreal after so many negatives.  It wasn't actually the real deal until Tuesday the 28th though!  I had to have a number over 100 (or so I thought). 

Tuesday June 28, 2016 

On Tuesday afternoon, I got the call from Amelia.  I could tell from her voice that it was going to be good news, but I was little nervous when she said now you don't need to be at 100, you can even be at 50 and that's still good.  So I was thinking I would be somewhere between 50-100.  But I was at 470 HCG!  There's a possibility with such a high number that our twins survived, but it could also mean they both were secreting HCG at first, but now just one is in there.  We hope both survived, but are just so excited to be pregnant after such a long and draining adventure.

Thursday June 30, 2016

I was nervous to get today's number's, but I had a feeling they were growing big and strong still since they're making me so tired and nauseous.  It was great news finding out my number today was over 1,000!  My estrogen was really high and over 1,000 as well so I get to stop patches tomorrow (Friday July 1st).  It will be nice to not have sticky skin anymore.  My progesterone number was also high at 50, and it only needs to be over 20.  That means the babies are making their own, but I'll keep supplementing with the suppositories. 

I started working out again yesterday which I believe is helping with my nausea!  My doctor said I could have started working out several days ago, but I wanted to be sure I was pregnant first!

This was our first "congratulations gift" and we received it from Chelsea and Tom.  It was such a nice surprise to come home to a body pillow (that I've been eyeing for a while), sparkling cider, and preggy pops (anti-nausea candies).  The candies are pretty good too! 

First Positive Pregnancy Test

Saturday June 25, 2016 Evening 7:43 PM

Look in the largest square for a plus sign.  It's faint, but it is there!!!!!

I tested again today because Seth wanted to see how it works.

Directions that prove my positive results.

Saturday June 26, 2016
Yesterday (Friday June 25th) was the first time, after many tests and hundreds of dollars spent, that I got a positive pregnancy test.  I cried happy tears because I was so excited.  I wasn't going to take a test until my blood work on Tuesday, but I had some pink/red discharge that was worrying me so I wanted to check.  I knew it could have been too early since I tested super early, plus I did it in the afternoon and you're supposed to test in the morning--especially when testing early, but I had to.  I tested when they're 10 days old (5 days post a 5 day transfer).  Getting the positive result was such a relief.  It also explains why I am extremely nauseous, peeing all the time, and feeling tired.  I will be nauseous every day of this pregnancy if it means healthy babies.

We celebrated by going to dinner at Benjy's and splitting chocolate cake at Dessert Gallery.  We are so so excited!  I want to shout it to the world, but Seth wants to keep it between us until Tuesday when we will share it with close friends and family.

Current Meds

These are the current medicines getting me through the two week wait.  The two weeks starts counting from the day of retrieval.  I'll actually be taking all of these until I am 10 weeks.  I started patches again today too.  Time for sticky skin again! =) 

I feel different this time than last time so I am hoping that is a good thing.  I feel super nauseous and keep getting migraines.  I have one right now, but it is just at the beginning stages.  I am still taking it easy, but may try to go on a walk tonight with Seth since I want to start exercising again soon.  Today's my resume normal activity day, but I am waiting for Tuesday's results before I really resume.  

Frozen Update

I'm doing lots of sitting around, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to get dressed and put a little makeup on.  It helps me feel better.  I will resume normal activities Thursday, but will probably wait to do Spin until my blood work next Tuesday.

This evening I got a phone call updating me on our remaining embryos.  We have 3 additional expanded blastocysts (embryos) they were able to freeze for us.  That means we have 4 more chances for kids.

Two of the newest blastocysts are of the highest rating 4AA.  The other is 4AB while the one left from our very first cycle is a 4BC.  The number is the expansion of the embryo.  4 means they are expanded blastocysts.  The first letter after the number represents a letter on a scale from A to C (A is the highest) that rates the quality of the inner cell mass which becomes the body of the baby after implantation.  The second letter is rated on the same scale and rates the quality of the trophectoderm or outer cells that will become the placenta.  Just because they aren't all AA doesn't mean they won't form healthy babies, it just tells us the stage of growth that they are currently frozen at.

I am learning so much science stuff.  I would know none of this information or understand it unless I was going through fertility treatment.  It is absolutely incredible that people were able to figure this all out, come up with correct medicine dosages, and actually help people have children that otherwise would not be able to.  I mean how did they know doing 150 amps of Follistim for a certain number of days would make a woman's body create more follicles?  It is mind blowing when you think about all the very minute details that go into fertility treatment.

Transfer Day

Today has been a pretty special Father's Day for us!  We got to celebrate the day by transferring in our two embabies!  We got to the doctor's office a little before 8 AM.  Thankfully, I didn't have to do any blood work.  That was actually a huge relief because it kept me up last night (that and the fact that I was excited/nervous for this morning).  I signed some consents, changed into gowns, and headed to the transfer room.  The embryologist came in to talk to use about our embryo and said that one is "couldn't be better" and the other was almost there.  Two are more than likely going to be frozen, but we will find that out on Tuesday.  The doctor then came in (since it was a weekend transfer, Dr. McKenzie did it) and we got started.  The process was pretty quick and painless.  It took 1 minute and 45 seconds according to the video Seth took.  We are so excited!  I go back in on Tuesday June 28th to see how they're doing.

In the Waiting Room

Ready to go!

Our embryos!

The incubator where our twins hung out until they were transferred in.

Our happy little family after the twins were put in their new home.

This is Amelia.  I am so glad she's been my nurse.

The two embabies were put in at the same time and are hanging out together in this picture.

Day 3

 

I am a day late posting this update, but we are so happy with the numbers our doctor gave us yesterday.  I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning.  And I'm totally ready for bed rest/taking it easy.  I got 3 new books at the library to read!  

BTW I am not even pregnant yet and I'm already nesting.  I spent the past couple days spring cleaning everything and now I'm on the hunt for the prefect house close to downtown.  It is hard finding a good house that's not outrageously priced!   Luckily I have some time before these embabies will be born!  

Update

Yesterday morning (Wednesday) I got a call from Amelia.  She let us know how our little embryos are doing.

Tomorrow morning (Friday) I'll get another phone call to let us know if we are transferring in the morning or on Sunday!

Overall I am feeling pretty good.  I have had some slight pain, but I am doing so much better than last round!

Retrieval Day

I never shared the drugs I used for my trigger shot.  Here they are!

Right before the 10:30 PM trigger shots on Sunday night!  Neither shot was too painful.  Lupron went in my stomach and Gonadotropin went in my booty.

I'm just hanging out on the couch today because my stomach is in a lot of pain.  So far I am not feeling any OHSS symptoms.  I am praying that continues!  I really want to be as healthy as possible for our fresh transfer.  My retrieval was around 9:00 AM this morning with us arriving at 7:30.  We got 21 mature eggs and gave two samples.  Tomorrow we will find out how many fertilized.  I am so so happy with the numbers so far.

Right after I changed into my gown(s) for the retrieval.  Seth is good at making me laugh and said, "Still posing even though you're wearing a potato sack, huh?"

I made Seth Snap Chat for me.

Those are happy tears staining my face.  21 EGGS!

Trigger Shot

Tonight at 10:30 PM I am doing my trigger shot!  It's a combination trigger shot which means I'll do a dose of Lupron in my stomach before putting the HCG trigger in my booty.  Tomorrow morning I go in for more blood work to see how I responded to the trigger shot.  Tuesday morning at 9 AM is my retrieval!  Hopefully things keep moving along smoothly.

My follicles are growing so well!

I wanted to keep our Sunday moving and thought it would be a good idea to do my shot in the car.   Well, I brought everything but the actual needle I would need to inject it.  Seth was taking a picture for me since I wanted a shot of my final Gonal injection.  Instead he got my shocked face when I realized I had no needle.   The picture makes me laugh out loud.

My Poor Body

A picture from our early dinner date to show that I do wear real clothes.  Ha!  I feel like I always post pictures of me in workout gear.

I am starting to feel run down.  Almost like I am coming down with something since it's a sore throat and cough.  Emotionally I am doing fine.  I feel like my emotions have stayed pretty stable minus the time I was on the birth control.  If this round fails though I am going to need a break.  My poor body is just over the shots, needle pricks, and schedules.

Today's blood draw bruise.

How my stomach is looking from the shots.  I am starting to notice the bloat from my follicles getting bigger.

Look at my follicles grow!

This morning everything looked great.  My estrogen level is now at 1808 (increased by over 500) and my progesterone is at 0.5.  My follicles are continuing to grow.  I go in for another check tomorrow morning.  Dr. Hickman (the weekend doctor) said that I will probably do my retrieval on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I didn't do a class today since my doctor said I should start taking it easy.  I am going to miss spin over the next few weeks, but Seth and I got an hour walk in.  We were drenched in sweat by the end because the humidity was killer today.

Doctor's Visit

I am really getting to know everyone at my doctor's office!  I can pretty much name each person by name from the receptionist to the phlebotomist!  Ha!  It's crazy.  I am going in for another check tomorrow.  My follicles and numbers are so close that I have to go in every day until the retrieval date is set (either Monday or Tuesday).  I am so grateful and excited that my body is responding well.  I was afraid to get my hopes up.  I have about 11 follicles on one side and 6 on the other.  

Numbers From the Weeek

Monday: Estrogen 218

Wednesday:  Estrogen= 623 Progesterone= 0.1

Friday (today): Estrogen= 1358 Progesterone= 0.3 and Lead Follicle= 17.1

AND finally, my blood work did not hurt today!!!  I actually double checked with Shelley to see if she had put it in yet.  What a relief!    

Day 1 & 2 of Ganirelix

My follicles are growing!

Last night I did my first Ganirelix shot!  Ganirelix is a suppression drug that comes in a pre-filled syringe.  It is supposed to make sure my follicles don't release the eggs.  The other two shots I do each day make the follicles grow.  Anyways, the first day of Ganirelix was hard!  I thought Menopur was painful, but this one was impossible to get into my skin.  I actually ended up getting another shot to see if the needle was just dull on my first one.  Nope, they were both just difficult to get in.  I knew I had to do it though so I finally shoved it in.

I hit a blood vessel doing Gonal in the morning.  I thought the liquid was all the way in because it stopped letting me push the top in.  I took the needle out and my skin started to bubble up and bleed.  I then checked the dosage and missed .25 which meant putting it in again.

Today's shots were much easier!  YES!

Shot Trick

I've learned that the best way to give myself a belly shot is to be sitting down and hunched over.  It allows a little more fat to be in one place for the needle to go into!

Menopur

I forgot how terrible Menopur is.  I had to put it in three different locations last night because it hurt so bad.  The first poke couldn't even go in my skin all the way because the pain was so intense.  Then on the second insertion I was able to get half-way through the dosage before I thought I was going to pass out.  So then I moved the needle to a 3rd location.  I'm counting down the days--7ish--until the shots are over!

I went in for blood work this morning.  Still hurt, but at least my estrogen is at 208.  Last round about this time it was 175.  I go in again on Wednesday for an ultrasound and more blood work.  I am switching between the two office locations so that I can see my doctor each time.  For example, today I was in Medical City and on Wednesday I'll be at Gessner.  Good thing we are the mid-point to both locations!

I'll be doing my shot tonight while some friends are over to watch The Bachelorette.  It should be a helpful distraction!  

How Infertility Has Changed Me

A lot of times I'll hear black and white hard-fast rules.  And when someone doesn't fit those rules there can be feelings of shame and inferiority.  I've come to learn that the world is not so black and white.  In fact, it is mostly gray.  Infertility has made me question everything.  My sense of self, religion, God, and basic feelings of worth/value.

It's been an interesting few months (years even) with highs and lows.  I really try to focus on the bright side of things, and not be a downer.  But Seth knows, that more often than I would like to admit, I can be short-tempered and cry.  I'll feel sorry for myself with a, "Why me?" attitude. Sometimes I feel a little selfish for being so upset about this struggle when some people have much harder lives with religious persecution, illnesses/diseases, poverty, war-torn countries, etc.  But I think we each have unique struggles and challenges that can teach us different things or at least give us compassion and understanding when interacting with others.

We may not get to choose everything that happens to us or the circumstances we are given, but we do have a choice in our reaction.

I actually had a really interesting conversation with my Bishop today.  We talked about how even when our testimonies burn down to the ground, we just build back up off the basics we do believe in. He shared how he thinks I am someone special and probably volunteered to experience some of these challenges I have in my life (not just infertility related).  I told him how I've really struggled finding my place in church since family is the priority and focus.  It can make church very isolating and depressing when you're not living up to the ideal.  Some of the things said by him were very personal and made me feel like God loved me.

I am still figuring things out and finding my whys to life (and most times I don't think there is ever an answer to why), but what I think everyone wants in life is to be loved and accepted.  There are so many options and opportunities in life that make living up to an impossible perfection unbearable.  So instead I'm choosing to do my best, encourage others to do their best, and love people no matter what.

Shots Fired (Again)

Well, the shots started again!  I did my very first Gonal round this morning.  The shot was painless!  I was very nervous about inserting it into my stomach, but it wasn't bad.  The needle is very thin and tiny so I couldn't really feel it going in.  There are lots of shadows in the picture, but I was in a hurry to get to Spin.

The Gonal pens are pre-filled and last about 3 uses.  I just have to change to a fresh needle each morning.

Tonight I am watching twins (that are actually the product of our IVF clinic).  I'll be taking my evening shot of Menopur and steroid there once the boys are asleep.  Hopefully it goes smoothly.  I packed extra in case something happens.

Though the Gonal shot was easy, this blood draw battle wound is still bothering me.

Suppression Check

Suppression Check looked good this morning!  I start a steroid tomorrow and two shots on Saturday.  We are doing an "antagonist protocol" cycle this time in hopes that my estrogen level doesn't get too high again and to minimize the risk of extremely painful OHSS (when I gained almost 10 pounds in my stomach overnight).  I gotta be as healthy as possible for a fresh transfer!  My doctor also told me that I have to do all these new shots in my belly (no more legs) so that will be interesting.  

My arm creases are starting to get tender!  I really don't like doing the blood draws anymore.  I had such a hard time falling asleep last night because I was so worried about the draw this morning.  Luckily, it didn't hurt going in, but I felt like the blood just wasn't moving out of my skin.  I go in for 3 next draws next week.  

My estrogen level is "rock bottom" and my lining was thin so we can continue to move forward.  I guess the low estrogen explains my "ugh" feeling.

Our pharmacy forgot to deliver my medicine today.  Thankfully I remembered that they usually send a delivery email the night before and I didn't get one yesterday.  I called this morning and they didn't send it through.  It should be here by tomorrow at noon though.  I will be sorely disappointed if it's not!  

Insurance

It seems like insurance and our fertility clinic can't get it together.  Yesterday I got a call from someone at the clinic saying we owed $3200 for the CSS testing.  I had to explain that no we didn't, and that I had a letter from our insurance company saying it was covered.  She eventually got it written off by the main finance guy.  With the whole second embryo testing delay and now this, I wasn't very happy.  I am glad it worked out though.  

My advice--get everything written on paper, keep copies of receipts and letters, and don't take the first answer!  

I've been off birth control for a couple days now and go in for my suppression check tomorrow morning.  Hopefully everything looks good!