Thursday, May 12, 2016

Pregnancy Tests Suck

5-10-16
I was told not to take a home pregnancy test, but I did anyways...TWICE.  Now I get to live with the disappointment of it saying "Not Pregnant" instead of just waiting until Thursday.  I am now emotionally prepared for a no, but angry just the same.  I've so longed for the day where I would finally see the flashing "pregnant" sign.

5-12-16

It's a good thing I was prepared for the worst, because we aren't pregnant with our little girl anymore.  My heart hurts.  I literally collapsed on the floor in tears after the nurse called me at 11:48.  I could tell from the tone of her voice it wasn't going to be good news.  I yelled at God through my tears of frustration.  I felt some peace at times and would then cry from depths I have not cried from before.  I have basically been on an emotional roller coaster all day.  One moment I'm fine, and the next I'm hunched over in tears.  Seeing the sadness and pain on Seth's face today was so hard.  We wanted this little girl so badly.

We received many loving and supportive phone calls, emails, texts, and messages today (even two special cookie deliveries) that have made our hearts feel a little lighter.

*******

After our grieving period, we will figure out what we want to do and when we want to do it.  We are currently set-up to meet our doctor next Friday.
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3 comments:

  1. Jessica HoofnelMay 13, 2016 at 7:50 AM

    My heart hurts for you guys. I have cried the same tears and had some serious conversations with God. But the whole time I kept hearing this whisper Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you declared the lord, plans to prosper not to harm, plans for hope and future.

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    Replies
    1. CarlieMay 13, 2016 at 8:52 AM

      It's been a challenging 24 hours. Thanks for sharing that scripture. That's so good to remember.

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  2. Joni JusticeMay 16, 2016 at 10:54 AM

    It is all so heartbreaking! I am so sorry you have to go through this with Seth. Your fiend's comment reminds me of our visit to Joel Osteen's sermon. You are extraordinary...not average...so the burden is hard but the reward will be so much greater too. Someday you will hold your babies in your arms and have the joy of motherhood and it will be even sweeter than you imagined. Keep the faith and stay strong for your day will come. We are all so excited to learn today that your other frozen embryo is healthy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Remember God loves you and so many others of us do love you too. Hope you feel comforted and have healing in your heart. God bless you! Love you too! Mom

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