2019

If this blog were a book, it would currently be a dusty book on the shelf begging to be opened.  One of my New Year's Resolutions was to write more.  So here I am, blowing off the dust and getting ready to start 2019 with a renewed sense and desire to share my words and thoughts with others. 

A lot has changed since I started this blog at the beginning of our IVF journey 3 years ago:

• We now have 3 little ones under 2 (within 18 months of each other).  
• We live in the suburbs of Dallas instead of downtown Houston.  
• I no longer teach school or sell makeup, and instead spend all my time raising kids and being a homemaker.  

It's actually hard to believe sometimes that I have THREE kids.  Occasionally, I find myself thinking about the path I've taken to get where I'm at today and overall, I am very grateful. 

I'm grateful for the results of the difficult journey we took to get here.  I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, and my heart breaks when I hear of another couple struggling.  It is one of the most painful things someone can experience--having the desire to be a parent, but the inability to actually make it happen.  I'll never forget those feelings, but am so glad to experience these new ones.  From the highs and lows of parenting, here's to growing up Rasmussen.

So cheers to 2019.  To writing again, if only for me, a place to write my thoughts on motherhood, being a wife, and living life to the fullest.  Here we go 2019!

Our Love Story (Take 3)

Back when I was way into blogging, I would rewrite our love story every few years.  In honor of our 9th anniversary, I copied it from my now private blog to share again.  Here it is, word for word, with a little addendum at the end.

First written on July 18, 2012 for my Carlie Stories blog--

In celebration of our 3rd anniversary I decided to write down most of our love story.

  

Reposted a second time on 7/18/15.  

It is now 3 years later, and we have been married for 6 years!

Engagement Photo

Coming out of the temple.

Reception

Wedding Day 7-18-09

Seth and I met in Biology at BYU.  It was a couple weeks into the semester when I decided to quit sitting by random people I didn't know, and sit by the guy from my lab.   His name was Cory.  Cory and Seth sat by each other, and we eventually started a study group.  Seth told me later that he thought I had the most "beautiful back of the head" because I sat in front of him before I started sitting next to him.  We still have Seth's old biology notebook that we had written notes on to each other.  

Our first date was roller-skating where I held his hand for the first time because I kept falling.  Like I literally flew over the curb and did a somersault over someone...I figured it was safer to hold hands on a first date instead of breaking something or someone with the roller-skates on.  Afterwards, I made him go through the drive-thru at Burger King because I was so thirsty.  I didn't want anything other than a cup of water (Seth says now that he has been married to me, he understands my urgent need for water).  After the water pit stop we headed over to Sub Zero ice cream.   We continued to go on a few dates.  The dates were fun, but we were nothing serious. 

Instead, we studied together almost daily.  He (Seth) was really good at Biology.  Plus I always thought both guys (Cory and Seth) were funny.  We studied in the No Shh! Zone of the Lee Library.

Over the summer Seth called a couple times to talk, and other times he would text. Eventually he asked me to be in his football group for the Fall.  I said yes so Kelsey, Britt M, and I joined the group.

Once school started again, he started dating a girl who lived in Kelsey's hall. I would see him whenever I would visit Kelsey.  He told that girl another girl broke his heart so he wasn't ready for a relationship. That girl was me (and much drama ensued with the dorm girl). 

Half-way through that Fall semester, I was walking down the south hill of campus and I ran into him.  It wasn't the normal way I would walk, but I walked it that day.  I saw him coming up the hill and told him, "We should have lunch sometime to catch up."  I really didn't think much of saying that, but Seth said that that gave him the courage to ask me out again.  We started going on "dates" again-Zupas and Spark were favorites.

We went to a basketball game in November that was a BYU against Utah State game.  After the game I had him come in and meet my parents to tell them a joke.  The joke was, "How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway (grocery store) bag?  -"Take the s out of safe and the f out of way."  Then the person is supposed to reply: There's no "f" in way.  Get it?  No effin way?  ha ha

I texted him Happy New Year and told him I hope he gets kissed.  Mind you, he was in Texas and I was in Utah so it wouldn't be us kissing.

Then on a date in January to Zupas, I was sitting across from him and I realized I was in love.  I just all of the sudden knew I wanted to date him and be with him only.  Up until that point we had both been dating other people.  From that day forward though, we spent every day possible together.   There was my birthday where he brought me an over-sized box filled with my favorite treats-Toffee and Almond Symphony Bar and candy Orange Slices.  He also made me a mix CD.  He made me several of those when we first became official.

We had a few dates at Spark (a non-alcohol drinking place).  We first really held hands watching the Super Bowl game.  We kissed at my apartment at Old Academy.  Right by the kitchen.   Best first kiss ever!  I was so excited when he kissed me.

We got engaged the first weekend in April.  We had  our wedding date planned for September 19, 2009.  Once I had everything done for the wedding within in the first couple of weeks, we decided to move it up to July (we were living away from each other during this time too).  We were going to get married in the Salt Lake Temple, but they were closed during July.  I think that worked out for the better because I was the only bride at the Jordan River Temple.   I didn't see another bride until we were finishing our pictures, and she was just going in.

The night before our wedding we had a family/close friends dinner celebration (there were still like 100 people) at my dream location-the Joseph Smith Memorial Building in the Empire Room.   There was tons of road construction so that made it interesting for people to get there, but it turned out fantastic.

The wedding day was HOT!   In many ways ;).  We got married on the hottest day on record in Utah that summer.  We were both dying of heat during the pictures.  I remember just feeling so happy that I was marrying Seth in the temple.  I had such a good confirming feeling that it was the right thing.

We had our reception at the Stake Center/Church by my parents house.  The decorations turned out amazing.  We had so many friends and family come to show their love.   My mom's friend Shauna did our flowers and cake.   Another friend of my mom's decorated the church.

After the reception we stopped at Taco Bell in the name of tradition.  That's where my parents stopped on their wedding night too.

We had our first night (Saturday) as a married couple at Little America in Salt Lake City.  It was funny because on the drive down-town we saw a guy in the car next to us that I dated during college.  The other guy had us roll the window down to say hey and congratulations.  The next day (Sunday) we headed to my parents house.  We were going to be leaving for Texas that evening so they drove us to the airport.   Seth had to sell the next day (Monday) because he was managing a pest control team for Berrett back in Dallas for the rest of the summer.

We had a Texas reception a week later.  It was so nice wearing my dress again.  I wish pictures would do it justice.  There are so many little details like the lace opening.

We did our honeymoon a month later (which I highly recommend).  We honeymooned on a cruise to the Bahamas.  It was a great 5 days.

We lived in a house for the first 2 weeks we were married because we were house sitting.  When they came back we moved into a extended stay hotel for 2 weeks until the summer ended.  Then it was time to go back to school at BYU, and because we didn't want a yearlong contract (b/c Seth was doing summer sales and we would move during the summer) we moved into Wolverine Crossing in Orem. Then because we wanted to save up a little money, we moved in with my parents for 5 months (in the basement).  Then for summer sales in April we moved to San Diego for about 6 weeks, and Tulsa for the next 2.5 months.  Finally, after the summer sales finished, we got to stay in one place longer than a few months and moved into our Provo Duplex (Seth's parents and aunts/uncles share ownership of a duplex in Provo which made it really nice and really cheap while we were going to school).  It was nice living in an actual (half) house.   We stayed there until July of this past year (2011), and now we are here in Dallas (moving to Houston now that it's 2015).

We got serious about having a baby in November of 2013 and found out that we will need fertility treatments.  No baby news yet, but when it happens, it will be happy day!

Some fun memories from the past 3 years include (written July 2012):

• Sleeping on two twin mattresses pushed together while doing summer sales
• Graduating from BYU
• 10 day Christmas in Hawaii
• Selling 2 cars and buying new car--living on one car for 2 years
• Seth getting locked in the Law Library and having to call campus police
• Crazy weather experiences with a tornado and hail-including hail damage to our new car
• Our Fool's Cafe Dinners
• Callings-Sunbeam (4-5 year old Church teacher) and YW/YM leaders and Nursery helpers

Now that we can add 3 more years to the list, here are some more fun memories of our 6 years of marriage (written July 2015):

• Living in a leaky apartment that had a over 10 water leaks in a year span
• Carlie teaching 4th and 3rd graders
• Trips to New York and the Caribbean
• Carlie chopping her hair off (probably 12 inches) and making it darker to feel like she could control something (hashtag fertility issues)
• Buying and selling our first home in Richardson
• Seth graduating law school with Order of the Coif
• Meeting for 20 minute lunches or dinners on campus while Seth studies for the bar

First Fools Cafe in 2008

Basketball Game November 2008

The Big Box January 2009

Date in January 2009

April 2009 Engaged

August 2009 Honeymoon

And us today (well in March 2015):

Since it is once again three years later and I am sharing our story for the third time, here are some other adventures I can add (July 2018):

• European Cruise to celebrate law school graduation
• Living in Houston and having the best time being city dwellers
• Finding success with IVF ICSI treatments that gave us twin boys
• Moving back to the Dallas and buying a house in the suburbs
• Owning a van and basically living the life I dreamed about as a little girl

***Today is July 18, 2018.  I have 17 month old twin boys playing upstairs and a baby girl in my belly that will be born in a few short weeks.  I am so grateful for the life we have built and the adventures we have shared the past 9 years.  Things didn't always go as planned, but it all did and does work out, especially with Seth by my side.  I love you forever and always Seth Rasmussen.  Thanks for being you!

An Average Day at 10 Months

Schedules and routines are probably the most common topics I get asked questions about!  I think that most parents wonder about how to do what's "best" with each child's day.  I feel that if your kids are happy, healthy, and growing and you're content, then you're doing something right!  

Since I am a teacher, it's in my nature to creates routines and schedules of what my day will look like.  Throwing twins in the mix made this even more important to me.  Having a routine gives me a slice of sanity since I generally know what to expect, plus the boys get to know what they can count on.  

I have read several books (including 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks and Baby Wise) that discuss schedules with babies, so I've taken different things from each book and applied what I found most helpful.  We are currently on a 4-hour feeding schedule.  That means our days look something like this:

7:15 AM    Wake up, get out of crib, change diapers, independent play while I make the bottles.
7:30 AM    Drink bottles on Twin-Z pillow on floor
8:00 AM    Breakfast (typically some combination of fruit, oatmeal, puffs, pureed foods + water cup)
8:30 AM    Diaper change and dress kids for the day; play time
9:00 AM    Nap  --  I get ready for the day, clean up the kitchen, and start a load of laundry
10:00 AM  Play, diaper change, then get out of house (run errands, groceries, go to library, etc.)
11:30 AM  Bottle feed
11:45 AM  "Lunch" (foods they can feed themselves, like pieces of meat, cheese, fruit + water cup)
12:15 PM  Play time, diaper changes
1:00 PM    Nap -- I eat lunch, fold clothes, complete to-do list things around the house 
3:00 PM    Depending on wake-up time, run other errands or tidy up around home; play time
3:30 PM    Bottles and diaper changes
4:00 PM    Walk 
5:00 PM    Dinner (generally leftovers of food I've made, which I'll puree if needed)
5:30 PM    Evening play, usually independent while I make and eat dinner
6:15 PM    Signing Time and sound practice
6:45 PM    Bottles
7:00 PM    Bath and story time
7:30 PM    Bedtime for Jacob and James

After they go to bed, I clean up the play room and kitchen, sometimes watch a show with Seth, and try to exercise before showering and heading to bed.

We have nights that we have to get up several times because of teething or boys not feeling well; other nights we'll only get up once.  When they do wake up, usually putting a pacifier in helps them fall back asleep.     

I knew it was time to take away their third nap around 9.5 months because they would be upset when I put them in their cribs and could not be soothed unless they were out playing.

I generally make minor adjustments to our schedule based on how long naps are or if we have appointments to attend.  Instead of taking my bigger stroller I have found it most helpful to leave my umbrella stroller in my car at all times.  My diaper bag is constantly filled with all the necessities I would need if I was out during a feeding time or a diaper change was needed.  If  I used something up, I immediately replace it when I get home.  

A Restart and Reboot

It’s been a long time since my fingers have met my keyboard to type out a post.  I miss writing.  I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to share.  Mothering twins has been a dream come true (I mean, just look at the journey we took to get where we are today).  But it’s hard.  Oh so hard.  Many nights with too few hours of sleep.  Two babies with different needs.  Concerns of health (especially hearing) are always at the forefront of my mind.  

Raising these boys means everything to me and I want the best for them.  I want world peace and kindness to/from others to be the only thing they know, but unfortunately, that’s not reality.  I wish I could always keep a cool head and never feel frazzled, but that’s not real life either.  It’s being the best I can be, whatever that is for the day.  

Recently I have been trying to figure out what kind of impact and mark I want to leave on the world.  I think the best impact I can have is on raising two caring and kind boys, but sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough.  Occasionally it feels like I am getting pulled in two different directions—one where I have no monetary contribution and another where I should be doing this or that to make money.  Wondering if what I’m doing is enough—living up to impossibly high standards that don’t really exist.  It’s interesting going through all these different feelings when I’m really doing exactly what I have wanted for so long.

Motherhood is intense and wonderful and better than I imagined.  It’s also harder than I imagined too.  Emails pile up, boxes get left unpacked, things aren’t as clean or organized as I would like, but I’m happy.  I’m doing something that I find great value and happiness in.  Even when there is a hard day (or night), there’s also some good I can find.  I honestly find that trying to find some good in a really bad day or night changes my perspective.  Nothing is permanent.  Babies grow out of schedules and clothes, but they never outgrow needing love.

And remember—

I am enough and you are enough.  Exactly as we are today.

World Prematurity Day

During my entire pregnancy I tried to prepare myself for the boys being in the NICU.  As many moms of multiples are aware, I knew it was more than likely that the boys would come ahead of schedule and have to spend time in the NICU because they're twins.  But with each appointment, we'd get good news that the boys were healthy and growing ahead of schedule so I started getting my hopes up that they would be skipping the NICU altogether.

Unfortunately, we weren't lucky enough to have the boys come straight home with us. After a bit of scare due to preeclampsia, the doctor ordered an expedited delivery of the boys (for both my health and theirs) two weeks ahead of my scheduled c-section date (at 35 weeks instead of 37 weeks). After a successful delivery, Jacob and James arrived in this world just one minute apart. The boys were quickly rushed out of the delivery room because both mine and their blood pressure levels were low, and they needed to make sure they were healthy and well. After stabilizing the boys, I was finally able to hold both my sons for the first time for a brief, few minutes until they were taken upstairs in the hospital to the Unit III NICU (where babies who need more intensive care/monitoring go), where they were placed under a heat lamp and given tubes for feeding. 

Jacob weighed 5 lbs. 9 oz. and James weighed 6 lbs 5 oz. so they were still a relatively healthy weight, but due to their prematurity, they were still unable to feed on their own. After a few days in the Unit III NICU, the boys were more stable and could be transferred to the "regular" NICU. Although the boys were doing well, their little bodies still were learning how to successfully breast and bottle feed. It seemed like there'd be great progress some days, and others, not so much. The rule was that the boys had to successfully reach their target feeding levels for 8 consecutive feeds (or 24 hours). It ended up taking both the boys the same amount of time to master this skill -- just under 3 weeks in fact (19 days to be exact). It was the longest 19 days of my life.

I wanted to be there every hour of every day, watching over them and caring for them. Whenever I wasn't there, I was worried sick. Plus, my hormones were still way out of whack and I was an emotional basketcase. I never knew I could love these sweet boys the way that I did, but I wanted to give anything or everything I could to help them finally come home.  One night, when I was especially sentimental and emotional, I wrote a note to myself on my iPhone while I was at home during a pumping session:

I cry.  A lot.  I miss my boys.  I feel like I'm missing out on things by them not being with me.  I don't want to miss a thing.  That's one of the reasons I decided to be a SAHM.  It's been my dream to be a mom and it seems like I keep getting delayed.

I know we are really lucky to have healthy babies.  Learning to eat is just a difficult skill when you're 5 weeks early.

When the nurses told me I could bring clothes for the boys I was hesitant.  I didn't want them there long enough to have clothes from home.  After a couple days of them being there, Seth and I ended up stopping by Walmart to pick up a few of their little onesies.  And then a few days later I brought more stuff from home for them to wear.  I'm now glad I did because they look so cute.

Feels like NICU time is never ending.  I hate the unknown most!

** I wrote this post several months ago, but with twin boys taking up most of my time, I haven't had time to blog as frequently so it never got posted.  Opening up this draft on World Prematurity Day seemed fitting.  I am so grateful I now have my 9.5 month old twin boys at home with me.  Looking at them now it would be hard to tell they ever spent time in the NICU.  It is amazing what skilled healthcare and technology does for babies born early.  I am forever indebted to science for getting my babies here (in more ways than one)!  

Jacob in the NICU on his first day of life.

James in the NICU on his first day of life.

The happiest baby boys at 9.5 months old.

The #RasTwinBoys Favorites List

I get plenty of emails and direct messages about items that I've been using with my boys.  To help make it easier for me (and anyone who's interested), I've decided to start compiling some of these frequent requests here on my blog so everyone can refer to this list to find all my favorite items! =)

Everything I include on this list are items that I absolutely love and would buy again! A lot of these have been real lifesavers and have made twin life twice as easy!

Here's the list, in no particular order:

1. The Everything Pillow

The tiny twins lounging on the Twin Z pillow as 4-week-olds.

I love the Twin Z pillow.  Whether for napping, bottle-feeding or lounging, this has been a real lifesaver! (I haven't use it for breastfeeding, but you can use it for that too!) If I had to pick just one twin item that I could buy, this would be it! It's so handy because you can use it for so many things, plus it's super comfortable for the boys. The cover is washable too, just in case there are any leaks, spills or accidents. =)

2.  Bath Time with Twins

Angelcare Tub Support

These tubs are great because they allow me to bathe both boys at the same time with ease!  Plus they are big enough for the boys to grow into, and both seem to find it very comfortable. They're stackable too!

3.  Keeping the Germs (or Bright Lights) at Bay

Scuddles Baby Car Seat Cover

These car seat covers are light and breathable, which is perfect for the hot and humid weather that Houston is famous for! The pattern I have is "Star", but that's currently sold out (apparently I'm not the only one who loves it).  They have some other cute styles too!

As you can see in the photo, while we waited (two hours!) at the library getting our passports, we kept these on to keep the boys covered from germs and help them sleep better while we waited!

4.  My Best Friend for Breastfeeding--The Breastfriend Twin   

Me, my two boys and my Breastfriend!

This really has been a breastfeeding lifesaver for twins! I do not know where I would be without it! I use this several times a day at home, and I've even taken it with me on a roadtrip to use in the car. It's easy to spot clean and wide enough to use with both babies.  Plus, it has a little pouch so you can include little essentials (or a little mid-feed snack for mommy in there). I absolutely love it!

5.  Growing Month by Month

This measurement blanket is super adorable and always seems to be popular (lots of questions and comments on Instagram) every month when I post the boys' growth updates. We definitely love them beyond measure! The blanket is super cute and it's fun to keep track of just how much the boys are growing each month.


6. Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit

Boys looking cozy in their Sleep Suits!

These sleep suits double as sumo wrestling costumes apparently! The picture was taken a few weeks ago, and the boys are already growing into them nicely! These sleep suits help the stay comfy during naps and through the night.

One thing we have really liked is that it keeps the boys comfortable without being too heavy. Plus, since the boys don't like being swaddled anymore (that stopped at around 2 months), they can still move around and self-soothe, but the sleep suit limits their movements enough that they won't startle by hitting themselves in the face!

There are also several different sizes, materials and colors -- plus what's not to love about the Michelin Man look on the boys!  ;)

7.  Wubanub Pacifiers

Seriously, these have been the best pacifiers we've used.  As tiny babies, it made it easier for the boys to hang onto their pacifiers and now that they're older, they love to grip and play with it. Gerald the Giraffe and Marvin the Monkey are the favorites around here (we went with an animal safari theme for part of their nursery)! They also have elephants (in pink too), penguins, puppies and kittens, bunnies, hippos and more!

8.  Strolling Around with Two

Joovy Twin Roo+

The Joovy Twin Roo+ is the perfect combo of a car seat carrier and stroller.  I always get compliments on it when I'm out and about.  I absolutely love the convenience of not having to lug two heavy car seats around, and you can flip the car seats in either direction by using the adapters. Plus it folds up quite nicely.

I've used it daily since February (4+ months) and have had no issues with its quality. It is heavier than a regular side-by-side stroller (but that's because of the car seats), and when those car seats are attached, it's about the same width as a side-by-side.

9.  Mosquitoes Stay Away

Stroller Net

Everything is bigger in Texas, even the mosquitoes! Since we do daily walks around the bayou near our house and mosquitoes sure love water, this stroller net is a must! The net is super handy because it's adjustable (has elastic) so it can fit on almost everything!

10.  Staying Cool in the Summer

Stroller Fans

Sometimes I don't want to stay cooped up indoors all day, but with the Houston heat, I'm always cautious to make sure the boys don't get overheated.  To help solve this, we decided to get these handy, clippable stroller fans!

The husby had initially suggested these a couple of weeks ago (before it got hot!), but a few recent walks in the "warmer" weather spurred me to action so I finally bought them. I can confirm they work great! Also nice because the included battery is rechargeable so we can stay cool all summer long! The boys seem fascinated by the fans, which really do seem to keep them cool! Let's just say they're fans of the fans! They have these in both black (like I have) and blue.

All the links are affiliate links to Amazon (which we use to buy everything!) so using them helps us out! If we find more great stuff, I'll be sure to share updates on Instagram and here on my blog. Thanks much and best of luck to all you wonderful mommas out there (and double kudos to all the twin moms too)!

January 31, 2017

Jacob Wayne and James Kenneth Justice Rasmussen joined our family on January 31, 2017 at 5:08 PM and 5:09 PM respectively.  Jacob was 19.5 inches and 5 lbs 9 oz.  James was 20 inches and 6 lbs 5 oz.  

Newborns! Jacob Wayne on the left and James Kenneth on the right.

In the recovery room holding both boys together for the first time.

Last time leaving the apartment before the boys were born.

Arriving at the hospital!

So swollen!

Monitoring the boys.  I heard them hiccuping!

One of the first meals I ordered.

First family photo!

It's taken several weeks to find the time to write out the boys' birth story.  Thankfully I had written notes on my phone so I could remember things!

What a whirlwind two days!  I went to the doctor on Monday afternoon (January 30th).  I had a massive headache, was very swollen, and extremely uncomfortable.  I found out I gained 8 pounds in one week and was weighing in at 212 pounds!  I was surprised I had ended up gaining so much since weight gain was minimal during the first part of my pregnancy.  

The appointment started with an ultrasound.  The tech didn't get any good pictures of the boys' faces, but was able to get measurements of them.  When it was time to meet with the doctor, my blood pressure was taken and it was super high again.  The high blood pressure combined with the torturous headache and swelling made the doctor think I needed to head to the hospital for observation and testing.  

I called Seth at work and he wanted to go with me.  We gathered up my hospital bag and packed a few things for him and headed out the door.  The hospital had free valet parking so we dropped off the car and checked in.  I was put in a wheelchair and taken to my room on the 2nd floor (Room 2222).

They had a snack room with popsicles and crackers.  My favorite thing was the cranberry juice with chewy ice.

Every 4 hours my blood pressure would be checked and the boys would be monitored.  They kept track of contractions (wasn't really having any) and their heart rates.  They drew my blood several times, checked my "fluid" levels over a 24-hour period, and gave me the steroid shot for the babies' lung development.

With the way the doctors and nurses were acting, I thought everything was going to be okay and I would be sent home and put on bed rest.  We ended up with quite the surprise on Tuesday afternoon!

Dr. Journey (the on-call doctor from my clinic) came in right after I ate lunch around noon.  She said with the results from my tests combined with my headache they did not want to wait too long to take the boys out and that we needed to mentally prepare ourselves because they possibly could be arriving that evening.  She also told me not to eat or drink anything the rest of the day!  Seth and I thought that meant the earliest the boys would arrive would be around 9 p.m. or so, but my actual doctor had other plans.  Dr. Hardy came in even though it was her day off!  The nurse came to my room at 4 p.m. and started prepping me for surgery.  I was wheeled to the third floor and put in a room so Seth could change.  Dr. Hardy came to talk and check on me.  She walked with me to the operating room (I was wheeled by a nurse).  Seth was told to go to a waiting room and they would come get him in a few minutes.

The operating room was really cold.  I didn't think they would start my spinal block/epidural until Seth came in, so I was in for a shock when the nurse told me to hold onto her and the anesthesiologist stuck the needle in my back.  I thought we were only practicing!  The pain shot up my back and hurt until the medicine started to work a minute or so later.  The anesthesiologist did some checks to make sure I was numb and then had me lay down.  That's when things got a little crazy.  

Extreme pain started radiating from my neck and shoulders.  I couldn't get comfortable because the table was so narrow.  All the doctors and nurses started getting mad at me for moving around and I kept trying to tell them how much pain I was in.  Eventually they had to hold me down and I got a panic attack.  Since I was freaking out so bad they gave me some drug that put me in a major haze. FINALLY, they let Seth in and I calmed down but I don't really remember much of the boys' birth.  I only recall the doctors saying blood pressure is dropping and next thing I know Seth was holding the boys next to my face.  

I was so happy to finally see them!  They immediately went to the NICU since they both had low blood sugar and James was having trouble breathing (grunting) since there was still some fluid in his lungs.  

They wheeled me to recovery and I hated not being able to feel my legs nor be with my boys.  It was such a crazy and scary feeling.  I felt helpless which led to another mini panic attack.  Luckily Seth was with me and helped me breathe through it.  Since I couldn't see the boys myself, Seth went to the NICU to FaceTime and get pictures for me.  

I thought my swelling was bad before the C-section but I ballooned up afterwards!  I have lots of stretch marks on my behind and legs because of the swelling!  The nurses all commented on how swollen I was too.  The swelling made my legs and feet painful to touch.  I honestly felt like I would pop like an over-filled balloon!  On  February 9th I could finally start feeling some give to my skin, but was still puffy for about a month afterwards. 

I was surprised how sweaty I was after they were born.  I asked why and they told me I would be sweating and peeing out all the excess fluid in my body.  I was so swollen none of my shoes fit and I could only wear the hospital's no skid socks around.  Even those were a bit small!  

The pain from surgery was pretty unbearable the first few days.  I could not sleep.  Every time a nurse would check on me I would be up in pain or pumping.  They finally gave me Norco and I could manage better and actually get rest.  

One upside of my hospital stay--besides having my wonderful twin boys--was that I really enjoyed the hospital food.  The room service menu always had several very tasty options.  My favorite meal was the sliced turkey, baked potato, and veggies.  I think I ate it 4 or 5 times! 

I pumped every 3 hours even though nothing would really come out.  My milk finally came in after a week and a few weeks later I was producing a surplus.  We would take my milk to the NICU and the nurses would mix it with formula to give to the boys.

We stayed at the hospital for 6 days and left at the very last minute.  It was so hard leaving the boys there.  We had my room until midnight and stayed in the NICU until 11.  We then packed up and the nurse helped us carry our stuff down.  On the way home we filled my Norco prescription at the only 24-hour pharmacy open.  While there we picked up a heating pad with auto-shut-off so I could use it for my back pain.

When we finally went home (on Saturday, February 4th), we thought we lost our house keys.  We had the Tile app and tried using it to find them.  The app said they were at a Spin class I hadn't been to since before I was pregnant so we knew that was wrong.  I tried calling the hospital to see if they had our keys in lost and found, but wasn't having any luck.  I finally just called the emergency line at our complex so we could get in.  It was supposed to cost us $60, but Ernie ended up letting us in for free.  Thank goodness our boys were not with us!  That would have been quite the welcome home!  Seth eventually found the keys at the bottom of his bag a couple hours later!     

While I was getting prepped to have the boys, Seth wrote me this email while he was waiting (on 1/31/17 at 4:49 PM):

Carlie--

I'm sitting in the waiting room but wanted to write this now so you have this when you get done.

Know that the last ~8 years have been the best of my life. You've made me so happy and make me complete. I know the last few years have been rough on you in many different facets but just remember that we got through it together and we'll keep doing that for the rest of our lives. You've been so incredible at staying positive and resilient in the face of incredible mental, emotional and physical pain. You certainly all the best for the love and dedication you've maintained!

Now that we're adding to our family, I'm so happy that you'll be the mother of our children. You'll love them and teach them how to be a good, caring person just like you. You light up my life and you'll light up theirs. There will be many sleepless nights (mostly due to the abundance of nightlights!) but just like everything else, we'll get through it together. I love you more than anything. I'll love them both more than anything. I love you all, forever and for always. Looking forward to sharing every day with you and our family!

-Seth

Sometimes I still can't believe I survived the IVF process and pregnancy.  With all the shots, medicine, timing, multiple ER visits, some scary health situations, and a not-so-average delivery--I'm grateful for modern medicine.  These boys are literal science miracles.  I am amazed every time I look at them and think about the process and time it took to get them here.  It's unbelievable sometimes, but I am so grateful.  They are my perfect little babies.  I'm so glad I get to live my dream job of being a mom now.