A Restart and Reboot

It’s been a long time since my fingers have met my keyboard to type out a post.  I miss writing.  I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to share.  Mothering twins has been a dream come true (I mean, just look at the journey we took to get where we are today).  But it’s hard.  Oh so hard.  Many nights with too few hours of sleep.  Two babies with different needs.  Concerns of health (especially hearing) are always at the forefront of my mind.  

Raising these boys means everything to me and I want the best for them.  I want world peace and kindness to/from others to be the only thing they know, but unfortunately, that’s not reality.  I wish I could always keep a cool head and never feel frazzled, but that’s not real life either.  It’s being the best I can be, whatever that is for the day.  

Recently I have been trying to figure out what kind of impact and mark I want to leave on the world.  I think the best impact I can have is on raising two caring and kind boys, but sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough.  Occasionally it feels like I am getting pulled in two different directions—one where I have no monetary contribution and another where I should be doing this or that to make money.  Wondering if what I’m doing is enough—living up to impossibly high standards that don’t really exist.  It’s interesting going through all these different feelings when I’m really doing exactly what I have wanted for so long.

Motherhood is intense and wonderful and better than I imagined.  It’s also harder than I imagined too.  Emails pile up, boxes get left unpacked, things aren’t as clean or organized as I would like, but I’m happy.  I’m doing something that I find great value and happiness in.  Even when there is a hard day (or night), there’s also some good I can find.  I honestly find that trying to find some good in a really bad day or night changes my perspective.  Nothing is permanent.  Babies grow out of schedules and clothes, but they never outgrow needing love.

And remember—

I am enough and you are enough.  Exactly as we are today.