During my entire pregnancy I tried to prepare myself for the boys being in the NICU. As many moms of multiples are aware, I knew it was more than likely that the boys would come ahead of schedule and have to spend time in the NICU because they're twins. But with each appointment, we'd get good news that the boys were healthy and growing ahead of schedule so I started getting my hopes up that they would be skipping the NICU altogether.
Unfortunately, we weren't lucky enough to have the boys come straight home with us. After a bit of scare due to preeclampsia, the doctor ordered an expedited delivery of the boys (for both my health and theirs) two weeks ahead of my scheduled c-section date (at 35 weeks instead of 37 weeks). After a successful delivery, Jacob and James arrived in this world just one minute apart. The boys were quickly rushed out of the delivery room because both mine and their blood pressure levels were low, and they needed to make sure they were healthy and well. After stabilizing the boys, I was finally able to hold both my sons for the first time for a brief, few minutes until they were taken upstairs in the hospital to the Unit III NICU (where babies who need more intensive care/monitoring go), where they were placed under a heat lamp and given tubes for feeding.
Jacob weighed 5 lbs. 9 oz. and James weighed 6 lbs 5 oz. so they were still a relatively healthy weight, but due to their prematurity, they were still unable to feed on their own. After a few days in the Unit III NICU, the boys were more stable and could be transferred to the "regular" NICU. Although the boys were doing well, their little bodies still were learning how to successfully breast and bottle feed. It seemed like there'd be great progress some days, and others, not so much. The rule was that the boys had to successfully reach their target feeding levels for 8 consecutive feeds (or 24 hours). It ended up taking both the boys the same amount of time to master this skill -- just under 3 weeks in fact (19 days to be exact). It was the longest 19 days of my life.
I wanted to be there every hour of every day, watching over them and caring for them. Whenever I wasn't there, I was worried sick. Plus, my hormones were still way out of whack and I was an emotional basketcase. I never knew I could love these sweet boys the way that I did, but I wanted to give anything or everything I could to help them finally come home. One night, when I was especially sentimental and emotional, I wrote a note to myself on my iPhone while I was at home during a pumping session:
I cry. A lot. I miss my boys. I feel like I'm missing out on things by them not being with me. I don't want to miss a thing. That's one of the reasons I decided to be a SAHM. It's been my dream to be a mom and it seems like I keep getting delayed.
I know we are really lucky to have healthy babies. Learning to eat is just a difficult skill when you're 5 weeks early.
When the nurses told me I could bring clothes for the boys I was hesitant. I didn't want them there long enough to have clothes from home. After a couple days of them being there, Seth and I ended up stopping by Walmart to pick up a few of their little onesies. And then a few days later I brought more stuff from home for them to wear. I'm now glad I did because they look so cute.
Feels like NICU time is never ending. I hate the unknown most!
** I wrote this post several months ago, but with twin boys taking up most of my time, I haven't had time to blog as frequently so it never got posted. Opening up this draft on World Prematurity Day seemed fitting. I am so grateful I now have my 9.5 month old twin boys at home with me. Looking at them now it would be hard to tell they ever spent time in the NICU. It is amazing what skilled healthcare and technology does for babies born early. I am forever indebted to science for getting my babies here (in more ways than one)!
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| Jacob in the NICU on his first day of life. |
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| James in the NICU on his first day of life. |
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| The happiest baby boys at 9.5 months old. |
